One of the enjoyable roles I play is facilitating partner meetings, especially when there are significant and strategic conversations to be had. One, in particular, comes to mind.

There were about a dozen partners sitting around the table, engaged in working through the complexities of a certain issue. One partner appeared to be fairly quiet. In fact, very quiet. He didn’t contribute at all, and it was noticeable, at least to me.

As the facilitator, it was my responsibility to make sure the conversation stayed on track, advanced to a solution, and that everyone was heard. Since this one partner hadn’t contributed, I asked if he had anything to add. He paused, then agreed with what someone else had said. His response wasn’t particularly helpful.

After the meeting, I apologized for having put him in an awkward position, but I told him I wanted to give him an opportunity to weigh in on the discussion. After expressing his appreciation for my apology, he admitted that he was frustrated — not for being put on the spot, but because he typically hesitates to speak up when he hasn’t had time to think through an issue being discussed. When he finally reaches a certain comfort level with an opinion, the decision has already been made or the discussion has moved on to another topic. He said he just wished he could press the pause button and consider the depth and breadth of the situation.

His frustration was shared by his fellow partners. Because they didn’t know what was behind his quietness, they assumed that he simply wanted the benefits of partnership, like the title and status, but didn’t want to accept the leadership responsibility that went along with it. Their wrong conclusion only made their view of him even worse.

It was clear to me that this partner was relying too heavily on his natural style in a situation where it wasn’t working. His natural style of preferring thoroughness and accuracy was not an asset to him or his team in this situation. He needed to develop skills and expand his competence to be effective in situations that would require something different from him than what he was comfortable with.

That said, he will never be a natural extrovert, spontaneous problem solver or a quick decision maker. Nor should he try. If you resonate with this partner, you need to expand your behavior to draw you beyond your comfortable boundaries, yet be true to who you are by nature. So, here are ways you could engage in situations like this more effectively.