When we hear the question, “How are you?” our instinctive response is, “I’m fine” — in spite of the fact that we may not be fine at all. Our society’s custom and practice is to mask how we’re really feeling and respond with the standard, glib answer.

But what if you went against expectations and expressed what you were really feeling? What if you were forthright about your emotions and didn’t hide them? Well, people would be surprised. But we all know that being honest and authentic about how we feel creates powerful personal connections.

As a matter of fact, showing your vulnerability is one of the surest ways to establish deeper, more intimate relationships. Never think that exhibiting vulnerability shows weakness. It takes strength and fortitude to do it and the payoff in terms of better, instant rapport and deeper relationships is definitely there.

So, the next time you’re asked, “How are you?” think twice before you mindlessly respond, “I’m fine.” Instead, think about revealing part of your interior by expressing how you really feel. After all, honesty is the best policy. The challenge isn’t in expressing your positive emotions and the positive feelings associated with them. It’s in your negative emotions and the resulting negative feelings, which require more in-depth thought and practice. Expressing these emotions will create a respectful emotional awareness on both sides. You will demonstrate that you are aware of your emotions and have the courage to be genuine in voicing them.

Strong emotions have a lasting tail. Especially when an emotion is negative, once an outside stimuli or event acts as a trigger, the event and its presence in your conscious and unconscious mind is sometimes with you forever. However, by being fully aware of the process by which this happens, you can finally address those old issues and minimize their lasting effect. You do this by creating a new reality for yourself, readjusting your limiting beliefs and taking action from a place of positive feelings, not negative ones.

So where can you start?

After identifying your feelings and understanding which emotion initiated those feelings, you can use “traffic lights” in order to be less reactive and more proactive. It works like this: